Fidel Castro’s 8 Finest Achievements

Fidel Castro’s recent death has been hailed by countless Cuban refugees as a sign that the brutal socialist regime that tortured and murdered their families may someday come to an end. But many white leftists, from Canadian prime minister Justin Trudeau to British Labor Party leader Jeremy Corbyn, have a vastly different view of him. Members of the media have chimed in as well: Al Jazeera classified Castro’s legacy as “mixed” and “hotly debated,” describing him as “a tireless defender of the poor” whom the United States worked fervently to sabotage for years. TeleSUR, a television network funded by oppressive, failing socialist regimes such as Venezuela and Cuba itself, posted on Facebook commemorating Castro and stating that “50 years of U.S. blockade couldn’t stop Cuba from achieving greatness.” Even the New York Times presented a glowing, borderline-romantic obituary of him entitled “Fidel Castro, Who Defied U.S. for 50 Years, Dies at 90.” So today, The Statesman would like to point out eight of Castro’s greatest achievements that are so unfairly overlooked by the clueless, mindless right-wingers who suffered under him.

  1. Castro’s Cuba was unmatched in gender equality – the government slaughtered women at roughly the same rate as men.
  2. Castro’s Cuba boasted some of the most revolutionary breakthroughs in medieval European medicine, including state-of-the-art execution and cremation of tuberculosis patients.
  3. Castro’s Cuba provided free and equal health care to all its people, and actual health care to all its government officials.
  4. Castro’s Cuba made broad advancements in the sphere of political science by completely redefining the terms “president” and “republic.”
  5. Under Castro, Cuba’s public education system was unmatched by any, providing a free, modern, and efficient K through 12 curriculum of government propaganda.
  6. Castro supported Cuba’s fledgling LGBT communities by providing an environment where gay people could get together and socialize behind bars before being executed by the state.
  7. Castro personally championed innovative foreign aid programs such as his initiative to donate blood extracted from political prisoners to his comrades in Vietnam.
  8. Finally, perhaps Castro’s greatest humanitarian gift was to his tens of thousands of victims – people who no longer had to endure living in Castro’s Cuba.

We hope this brief guide has informed you that leftists know the real truth about Castro’s dictatorship. Cubans, of course, simply need to check their privilege.


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